


Collection Point B

by TheChichiSlaughterHouse



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bickering, Humour, M/M, Phobias, TCSH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:34:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23582431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChichiSlaughterHouse/pseuds/TheChichiSlaughterHouse
Summary: The bastards had told him to go left. How had they gotten lost again?? It wasn't Zoro's fault. ZoroxSanji
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70
Collections: Zoro and Sanji Fics





	Collection Point B

**Author's Note:**

> Collection Point B
> 
> By The Chichi Slaughter House
> 
> Warnings: ZoroxSanji, Zoro being a bitch, TCSH bullying Sanji (as usual) but also Zoro too, implications.
> 
> Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda.
> 
> Rating: PG?
> 
> A request from the [dialogue prompt meme](https://twitter.com/slaughterchichi/status/1247158368222887939) I offered to mutuals on my private twitter. The title is… stupid. For stupid’s sake. It makes sense (maybe) if you think about it. I don’t know lmao
> 
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/slaughterchichi) | [Tumblr](http://slaughterchichi.tumblr.com) | [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/slaughterchichi) | [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/slaughterchichi)

Zoro shook his head as he looked around at the buildings, wondering where the hell the crew had disappeared to. One minute they’d been right by his side and the next they were gone. Getting lost like always, no doubt going to turn this around on him and say it was his fault when they managed to meet up again. ‘Go left’ they’d said, so he had and now they were missing. Typical.

Scratching the back of his neck, Zoro attempted to shrug it off. By now he was coming to accept that their sense of direction was terrible – he’d never been lost when he travelled with Johnny and Yosaku, so it obviously couldn’t be to do with him. Maybe where they’d grown up the instructions were different but with the same names?

No matter the reason, it didn’t change the circumstances he was in now. They hadn’t told him exactly where they were going, so how was he supposed to find them? This place wasn’t huge but they had a habit of splitting up – making this far more difficult than it had to be.

As Zoro looked around and spotted a bar, he heard an obnoxious ringing. Seeming to come from his own pocket, surprised by the Mini Den Den Mushi he found when he slipped his hand in there. The swirls on its cheeks told him it had to be Sanji’s – had the nosy bastard been messing with his stuff?

It was with agitation that Zoro picked up, a throbbing at his temple the moment he heard the cook’s voice coming from the creature.

“Oi, where the hell did you go?”

“I didn’t go anywhere!” Zoro growled, holding the snail in his hand and resisting the urge to crush it in his palm. “You said left and then you were gone!”

If the Den Den Mushi could roll its eyes it probably would have. The low sigh coming through its mouth causing the swordsman to picture that expression on the cook, making his hand twitch as he forced himself to keep it lax.

“Left.” The tone was flat and disbelieving, like Sanji was about to tell him they’d said something else. As though he was already preparing to lay the blame on Zoro. “Alright.”

Zoro was about to yell at him. He wasn’t fucking deaf! That’s definitely what they had said – he knew it as a fact, could hear the slightest of noises even when there was a goddamn thunderstorm – so if the cook thought he could give him shit for this, then—

“Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”

Oh hell no. Like he was gonna listen to the cook and wait around obediently like a dog. He didn’t need Sanji’s damn help to find the others – he could do it himself! But before he could reply, Sanji had hung up; the snail’s eyes drooping as it made that ‘ka-cha’ noise. Zoro wanted to throw it across the street but restrained himself and just shoved it back in his pocket, making a mental note to throw the damn thing in the cook’s face the next time he saw him.

Frustrated by all of this, annoyed out of nowhere by the thought that Sanji could handle the damn phone without freaking out. It was no secret to everyone on the crew by now that he was scared of bugs, though Usopp had told them that Sanji had tried to make him keep his mouth shut. Pointless really, when he ended up screaming over a spider in the galley one morning and had woken them all up. Why was a Den Den Mushi different? Because it didn’t move?

Zoro paused as he spotted a spider crawling over one of the signs for the bar. Maybe he should wait for him after all…

\--

When the cook finally showed up, Zoro was already inside and on his third drink. Not seeing the point in waiting outside in boredom, opting to be somewhere warm and comfortable instead. He didn’t even need to turn around in his seat to know Sanji was there, able to tell from the sudden fiery atmosphere when the door opened that it was him. Probably ready to piss and moan at him for getting ‘lost’ though it wasn’t his fault.

A hand gripping his bicep made Zoro turn around, his eyebrow raised as he lowered his glass from his lips. The grumpy expression on the cook’s face telling him he was right, making him want to roll his eye at him though he settled for a smirk instead.

“You sure took your time.”

Deciding for once not to let this get to him, to be the bigger man since everyone else clearly couldn’t come to terms with their own faults. Choosing to wind Sanji up a bit in the process, simply because it would be fun.

The cook scowled as he tried to pull him up onto his feet. Clearly in a rush though there wasn’t much need for him to be.

“C’mon, let’s go.”

“Ah, about that.” Zoro tipped the rest of his glass into his mouth before calmly putting it back on the counter. “Gotta pay first.”

“Hurry up and pay then!” Sanji let out a groan and waved his other hand in the air, like he was annoyed that this was dragging on. Zoro just leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms.

“I haven’t got any money.”

The cook looked like he was about to explode; his face twisting into a bunch of weird expressions as he thought over that information. Probably wondering why the hell he had come to a bar to drink in the first place, likely contemplating leaving him here to deal with the fallout of that by himself. Zoro knew for a fact that Sanji couldn’t just leave him here, would have to foot the bill one way or another. Partly why he’d opted to drink – to cause some hassle since he’d been put out himself.

“Fine,” Sanji’s tone did nothing to mask his rage even as he fumbled in his pocket to grab his coin-purse, a vein bulging on his forehead much like Zoro’s had when he’d received the phone call. “How much?”

As the bartender leaned over to inform him of the tab, Zoro closed his eyes. Allowed himself to enjoy the shocked noises that left Sanji’s lips, pleased even further by his choice not only to drink but to make sure it was the good stuff. He hadn’t even bothered asking the price when he’d ordered.

Sanji shook him in agitation when he’d been given his change, hissing at him to get off his ass. Rude, making demand after demand after he’d gotten here. Normally this would have pissed Zoro off but he was feeling in too good of a mood to let it bother him.

Zoro shook his head to himself and got onto his feet, following Sanji out of the bar with a friendly wave back in the bartender’s direction. The service here had been nice; prompt and without any questions or small talk. He’d have to come here again.

“I can’t believe you,” Sanji was grumbling as he stomped his feet, casting glances over his shoulder as if checking that he was still there. “The fuck were you thinking? Drinking when—”

Zoro ignored the angry tirade and idly reached into his pocket, closing his hand around the Den Den Mushi. Trying to think of the right words to say when he handed it back, wondering if he should gripe back at him for it or not. He’d initially been very angry but it had actually worked out in his favour; not making him have to wander around aimlessly for once and getting booze on top of that. Quite useful now that he thought about it, unsure if he should hold onto it in case he needed to do it again in the future.

The cook twisted around in place and jabbed at his chest.

“Oi, I’m talking to you! Are you even listening??”

Ugh, never mind. The alcohol may have been nice but having to listen to Sanji’s bitching didn’t feel worth it right now. Agitated, Zoro pulled the phone from his pocket and shoved it against Sanji’s hand.

“Shut up! Take this back if you’re gonna be a dick about it!”

Sanji snatched it from him without so much as a thank you. His mouth opening again like he was about to keep going, right before all the colour suddenly drained from his face.

Zoro glanced down to see the spider from earlier crawling over the back of Sanji’s fist. Oh. It must have crawled onto him when he’d walked past the sign, hung out with him in the bar as he’d had his drinks. He hadn’t even noticed, too busy enjoying his booze to think about anything else let alone register its presence.

For a moment there was blessed silence. The calm before the storm.

A shriek left Sanji’s lips as he shook his hand and dropped the Den Den Mushi, darting behind Zoro as the poor spider fell to the floor. Landing on its back at first then righting itself and scuttling off, probably just confused by this whole thing. The swordsman could feel Sanji’s hands clutching at his back, the cook’s knees digging into his sides as his face pressed between his shoulders. Shaking like a leaf, though he would have hated being compared to a plant – something he did to Zoro all the damn time just because his hair was green.

“Kill it!!”

It took all of Zoro’s willpower not to burst out laughing at Sanji’s expense; an idea coming to mind that made him able to hold it back.

“Ahhh, it really likes your phone.” Zoro murmured, eyeing the Den Den Mushi which was obviously spider-free. Knowing Sanji was unable to see what was going on, wouldn’t be able to tell he was lying. “Don’t think it’s gonna leave.”

Right now he was faced with two options; destroy the snail so Sanji couldn’t plant it on him again or offer kindly to keep hold of it until the spider ‘went elsewhere’. He wasn’t really sure which he’d prefer right now – seeing benefits and downsides to both. Then again, even if he destroyed it there was a fair chance Sanji would just buy a new one – and it wasn’t really fair to kill it just because the cook was annoying. Were the damn things even alive? Sometimes it seemed like they were.

Zoro leaned down and picked up the Den Den Mushi, feeling Sanji tighten his grip to remain stable.

“I’m gonna just put it back in my pocket for now,” Zoro said calmly, slipping it back in as he straightened up. “Maybe it’ll leave later.”

Sanji let go of him and maintained a distance as he eyed him suspiciously, still seeming freaked out though he was attempting to appear calm. Zoro was getting quite a kick out of it; amused that even after all this time he was still terrified of such harmless creatures. What was a spider even gonna do? Bite him? If it did, it wasn’t like it wouldn’t kill him.

“…F-Fine,” Sanji forced the word out, taking a step back when Zoro took one forward. “Just… keep away from me.”

A task easier said than done, since he was supposed to be following him back to the others. Zoro shrugged his shoulders.

“Sure thing, your majesty.”

Though he could tell Sanji wanted to kick him in the face for that remark, the cook’s phobia was keeping him at bay. Allowing Zoro to get away with it for once, though next time he might not be so lucky. Instead the cook just huffed and stalked into the building they were outside of, Zoro trailing behind by a few metres in amusement. Everyone inside had probably heard him freaking out.

When he walked into the room where the rest of the crew were, Zoro ignored their mocking applause at his return. Shrugging it off since there was really no point in getting wound up about it. A little heat in his cheeks when Luffy teased him, though he told himself it was in annoyance rather than embarrassment.

Entertained for the rest of the day by Sanji keeping his distance, by the weight of the Mini Den Den Mushi in his pocket. Amused more when Nami announced who was sharing rooms in this hotel though normally he’d have hated being stuck in a room with Sanji all night. Enjoying the look of despair that was on the cook’s face more than he should have, wondering if it was going to be better to pretend the spider was still there or say that it had left.

Rooming with Sanji usually only meant one thing – and Zoro wasn’t sure if he wanted to let that opportunity slide by. Weighing up the pros and cons, tickled by the fact that he seemed to have so many decisions to make today. All different ways he could get under Sanji’s skin, whether figuratively or literally.

As he took his drink from Usopp, Zoro hummed lightly to himself. Whichever choice he picked, at least he was going to have a good time.


End file.
